While relations with my host mother were already strained to breaking point, I accidently said something very insulting about her. In Thailand, saving face is the ever-sought after option. I’d made her lose face. I was beginning to speak and understand Thai. And yet... I still found myself becoming lost during conversations with my host mother. Finally, and with considerate relief, I learned that she usually spoke the local dialect – the North Eastern language, or Laos. I couldn’t understand her because she wasn’t speaking Thai!
I mentioned to someone that my “mother speaks Laos”. What I had actually said was that the woman spoke like a crazy person. By the time I was advised of my mistake, I was feeling pretty guilty. Finally, one of my host mother’s friends told me what I had really said. Without thinking, I said “I know”. This was taken as me knowing what I had said when I said it.... meaning to suggest that my host mother spoke like a crazy person. My words had thrown me into a downward spiral.... My foot was firmly embedded in my mouth and no amount of digging was going to get me out of my comments.
Already strained relationships stretched and pulled even further. I don’t think my host mother and I ever understood each other. We certainly never developed a positive rapport and my time with her was never pleasant. To this day, I feel certain that the family only hosted a foreigner to place themselves in higher esteem within the community. I was their token charity case. My pale skin, light eyes and “Australianess” gave them credit. The fact that the whole community knew of me, spoke of me and pointed me out gave them the attention they greedily desired. By the time the novelty of the exchange student wore off, the community were talking about me too much and my host sister become desperately jealous and vindictive. No one has treated me as poorly as my host sister did. My head shakes in wonder at how my young self lived through her constant torments. Was it inner strength or was I verging too much on naivety? Perhaps I was stubborn enough not to let her ruin my time in Thailand – though at times, she went very close!
2 comments:
I really found this post enlightening -- I had similar experiences in Germany (but lots of positive ones, too). You are very very vulnerable as a young person in a foreign country -- teenagers are lost anywhere, never mind far from home! I found it very difficult to 'let go' of bad experiences, and wonder sometimes if it would have been better for me to go a few years later.
HI Morning, Hairy Cow here, dropping in to say thanks for your comments. I get a bit of a buzz out of comments!
I'm working my way through my condensed exchange student diary. There will be a few posts yet from that time. I'm digging into my past and I'm surprised at how much better I can understand myself by revisiting those times! Enjoy the embarrasing photos!
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